Let’s discover how an Integrated Individual overcomes the dangers of a personal conflict… that arises in a love relationship. Successfully handling a personal conflict takes you that much closer to living life as a self-actualized individual.
You don’t know it yet but, at the conclusion of this article, you will understand that…
Even the Integrated Individual can be blindsided by the extreme negativity of an individual who remains stuck in the Hive Mind Mentality. Let’s explore the interplay of a severe argument between a man and a woman…who went separate ways in their state of thinking and being.
Origins of a Personal Conflict
Often a husband or a wife learns or discovers a sense of life alien to their spouse. One could be burdened by many problems, some self-created. Maybe the husband allows neurotic feelings to control him…more than the wife does or visa versa. Whatever the reason, one person seems reasonably happy—the other appears unhappy.
Let’s say they experience tough financial times along with various family problems. The marriage is rather shaky, filled with disharmony. Adding to the strife is the fact the husband has a negative view of life. He burdens his existence with a malevolent sense of life. He’s completely captured by the Hive Mind Mentality…and remain oblivious to the merits of self-actualization.
On the other hand, the wife lives as a positive, optimistic person. She possesses a benevolent sense of life—and thrives to live as an Integrated Individual. She sees her cup of wonder filled with the marvelous benefits life has to offer…and displays an attitude of gratitude. Sadly, he sees his cup in various stages of emptiness…and is seldom grateful for what he does possess.
The Anatomy of a Personal Conflict
We will call the wife Julie and the husband Dennis.
While Dennis constantly dwells on how bad things are—Julie uses her thoughts to create a new life. She has discovered her Life Purpose…enthusiastically starting an internet business. In addition, she orders some educational courses to help her learn how to be successful in her endeavor.
Julie possesses a complete dedication to Mastering the Social Maze. She knows that her independent mind is her most powerful weapon.
Are you beginning to see how…
The Hive Mind Mentality completely captured Dennis’ body, mind and spirit. It shows as he gets extremely angry and expresses negativity towards his wife’s efforts…accusing her of wasting money.
An exchange between them consists of him complaining about all the things they don’t have…while she enthusiastically talks about the values they will acquire. He even moans about what they do possess. She tries to convince him he should be grateful for their blessings, to no avail. Dennis has never understood that values must be earned. Julie is too busy creating new values to be caught up in defeatism.
Despite his extreme negativism and her perception that he’s against her…she moves forward on her dream. She takes her mind off their personal conflict…not realizing that danger lurks ahead.
Julie works hard to succeed. She finds a product to market and prepares a marketing sales letter. She’s pleasantly surprised that her husband has finally showed some interest and is helping her.
One of the difficult facts of life is that there is a gap between cause and effect. You can start making changes in your life…but it may take some time for the results to manifest. That’s why the Integrated Individual understands cause and effect relationships…and acts in ways that make his life better.
While she is happily working away, their problems have not disappeared. In fact, their relationship continues to deteriorate. Her husband acts negatively and shows dissatisfaction with life. Since Julie is working on something that has meaning…she ignites her passion for life. The gap between how she feels and how her husband feels widens. Their personal conflict moves closer to a dangerous explosion.
The day comes when she knows she’s made great progress. Julie feels a heightened sense of self-worth that results when a person produces something of value. She knows she’s knocking on the door of success. She possesses the Master-Key to Riches…and anticipates the day she gives birth to her internet baby.
Their Personal Conflict Explodes
It’s Sunday. Despite the fact that many would consider this an off day, Julie continues to work on her project…while her husband does the household chores. After several hours of productive work, she decides to celebrate her success by engaging in some of her favorite activities. She pours herself a glass of wine, listens to the music she loves…then has dinner and watches a movie with her husband.
All day the pleasure she’s feeling has been increasing. Everything around her glows. Objects seem lit up. She feels a special sensitivity to the music. Every song caresses her spirit and her emotions. Julie has reached the heights of a peak experience. Unfortunately, there’s one thing she doesn’t notice…that extreme danger has arrived.
Dennis has descended into the morass of pessimism and negativity. He feels downright miserable about life. In her own ecstasy, she failed to notice it. If she had been aware of how he was feeling, she could have offered him some understanding and empathy.
Letting him express his unhappiness might have helped. However, in his state of mind it may have been futile. He has sunk so low that her excitement and enthusiasm doesn’t have a positive effect on him.
Julie is excited and happy that she’s knocking on the door of success. Nothing could possibly ruin one of the greatest days of her life. She couldn’t have conceived what would happen next.
After they finished eating…
She promised her husband that she would clean up the kitchen during a movie commercial break. Mellowing out from her exhilaration about how special the day has been…she forgets about it. When the movie ended, her husband went into to the kitchen and started slamming dishes around…which clashed with her state of peace and contentment. She called to him “What’s going on in there?” That fateful sentence started collapsing her world. Their personal conflict finally explodes.
Suddenly Dennis became extremely angry. He rushed into the living room to do battle. He pointed a finger into Julie’s face and berated her for not cleaning up the kitchen…even stooping to calling her names. She was blindsided. Her automatic first thought was “How could anyone have the gall to try to ruin one of the happiest days of my life?”
Are you beginning to see how…
All her ecstatic feelings vanished in a blink of an eye. Instead of accessing the controlled state of mind…she allowed her ecstasy to turn to sudden anger. She relinquished her role as an Integrated Individual…and became a warrior of war and retaliation.
Julie jumped up in shock and indignation screaming “How could you do this to me?” She slapped him and then incredibly she kicked him. Everything fell apart as they indulged in the worst fight of their marriage. Verbal and physical violence went on for hours. She had fallen from the heights of ecstasy down to the pits of hell.
An Analysis of a Personal Conflict
You may be asking why…
Her husband tried to destroy her on one of the happiest days of her life. You also probably understand why…she couldn’t walk away from his verbal attack.
You’ve heard the saying “misery loves company.” Even if this isn’t necessarily true on a conscious level, it’s always true on an unconscious level. Somewhere in the depths of his being, Dennis couldn’t stand his wife’s happiness. Her happiness made him more miserable…or as the Integrated Individual would state “He made himself more miserable.” Her positive state of mind, enthusiasm and joy couldn’t rub off on him. His neurotic subconscious mind forced him to take action to eliminate her happiness…and he attacked.
You can’t actually call him evil for doing this to his wife. He probably wasn’t aware of his intentions. In fact, his wife’s success would benefit him by eliminating some financial problems they were experiencing. Since his actions took place on a subconscious or unconscious level…he automatically acted in an illogical and self-defeating way. Many people act in destructive ways without a moment’s reflection…especially unfortunate souls enslaved by the Hive Mind Mentality.
Julie also acted in a self-destructive way…although I’m sure many of you can’t really blame her for acting as she did. She allowed the emotion of anger to overpower her reasoning abilities. She forgot about her commitment to act as an Objectivist Warrior.
The Aftermath of a Personal Conflict
I know you’re thinking…
Julie acted against her best interest by responding to Dennis’ verbal attack. She could have walked away…out of her husband’s sight. Sometimes non-resistance and non-reaction is an effective course of action.
You might wonder how often an aspiring Integrated Individual gets knocked off his perch…by an irrationally selfish person. All I can say is…it happens.
Here’s something the Integrated Individual must never forget. The reason she didn’t take the action of self-preservation stems from how high she was and how low the attack was. An iron law is that you are most vulnerable to someone knocking you off your perch when you feel your best. The higher you feel and the happier you are…the more likely an unhappy person will verbally attack you. I know this a bitter pill to swallow. It took me several unpleasant, self-esteem demolishing experiences to learn this hard lesson.
I am not altogether sure how you can help an extremely unhappy person, except by constantly cleaning out your own garbage. However, I do know how I can help her and others who desire to Master the Social Maze.
In the book “8 Dynamic Weapons for Conquering Life’s Illusions” it is stated “You must take charge of you thoughts, feelings and actions at all times.”
The Integrated Individual succeeds…when he doesn’t act on his negative thoughts and emotions. He takes control…especially when he finds himself in a bad situation where most would lose their head. I will state it once more. You must take charge of your thoughts, feelings and actions at all times.
It is difficult to experience a successful life, when you’re out of control…and your relationships are in shambles.
If Julie had exercised better control, she would have slowly counted from ten to zero, remained calm, practiced non-resistance, non-reaction and would have remained non-attached. She would have left the scene…not allowing herself to engage in self-destructive actions.
Since Julie doesn’t want her goals and desires smacked down from someone completely absorbed by the Hive Mind Mentality…she permanently left the scene.
RA Meyer – Master the Social Maze